Self Healing at Home

It seems to me most advertising about self healing out there, is all about you hiring someone… with this context of them implying you can’t do it alone. They also seem to imply that healing is forever, that we are in a constant state of healing… which is sort of discouraging.

I want to let you know that if you choose to do self healing, it can be done on your timeline, in the comfort of your own space, and it doesn’t have to take forever… there can actually be an ending.

Yes, you can hire a practitioner to help you through healing. (see THIS blog post for where to get started.) As a reminder, they are there for YOU, so you get to lead the way.

But let’s say you’ve already worked with someone, and didn’t have a good experience. Or the experience was good, but it was lacking something. Or maybe you want to hire someone, but can’t afford it, so you feel like you won’t reach a level of healing like others. Or maybe you’re just not that trusting of other adults. And quite possibly, you don’t want to be so vulnerable with a stranger. These are all valid feelings… and also, might leave you feeling like self healing is near impossible because you don’t have the resources you think you need.

And the billions of free information online these days can leave anyone feeling overwhelmed, especially when it seems none are actually offering solid help in the direction of “how to.” And I want you to know, that’s because self healing is individual. What works for others, won’t necessarily work for you. The idea is to take in some of the information and process it, deciding if it’s a good fit for you. And that can be hard for many, especially when we don’t truly know who we are.

So this is my attempt at clearing up some of the confusion with healing at home. To help you gain clarity in the simplest and most straightforward approach I can offer you.

1) Self healing can be done right where you are. 

Your self healing is for YOU. Your self healing is not about fixing, healing, showing, or guiding your partner/spouse and family members. It’s about YOU, learning to identify how you feel, what you need, what triggers you, what you believe, how you hold onto pain, guilt, or shame, and how you REACT to the life happening around you. Example: you see your adult sister for the liar she is, and you feel the need to correct her, confront her, maybe tell the rest of your family. Although those feelings are valid, and will eventually come to a place to express them, your focus at the beginning should be on YOU. Why do you need to correct her? Why is it so important for you to confront her, or tell your family? And most importantly, can you see who she really is, and accept her anyways, creating a boundary for yourself? The idea is to use your surroundings to get to know yourself on different levels.

2) Self healing is on YOUR timeline… and can have an end date.

You get to choose how fast or slow you heal. It all depends on how much effort and work you put into it. And honestly, sometimes you will want to go faster, and just can’t. Some work just takes time. But specifically when it comes to inner child healing, you don’t have to be doing that work forever. In fact, you shouldn’t be doing that work your whole life, or you will always be living in the past. And just a heads up, there will come a point where you will know without doubt that your inner child is healed and ready to move on. You won’t want to talk about it - not because you cringe or can’t or don’t want to share, but simply because you feel like there is nothing left to say, feel, or give your energy to. It will be a weight lifted off your soul, where you see nothing but what’s ahead of you.

Self healing has always been about the personal work you do within yourself. To question your narrative, to question your beliefs, to understand where everything you believe came from and if it’s truly YOUR belief. It’s about being curious why you react the way you do to certain situations, it’s about being aware of patterns you see in yourself to either close people off or to distract yourself. Self healing is about finding answers that fit YOUR lived experiences… and then finding what tools help you do that.

Because self healing is about YOU, then you get to decide how deep you go, how far you're willing to take the curiosity to know everything there is to know about yourself. And that can get tricky sometimes because we will not want to face the things that are uncomfortable or familiar or scary. And that’s when a practitioner can help… to work through a block you are having. But again, it's not necessary… you can do it, just will take a little more effort to hold yourself in kindness, and finding what tools that help you do that.

This is where journaling worked for me. Because it allowed me to have a personal conversation on the pages, where I can say and feel anything without any external judgment. For example: “I’m so frustrated that my husband works longer hours than he needs to. Because it makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be here, or he’d rather hang with his work buddies than us, and I’m so overwhelmed and lonely. Ok, I need to tell my husband how I feel, but also, I feel overwhelmed and lonely… what can I do to help myself with that? (Long pause trying to calm my breath and listen to my inner voice) You know what sounds good, having some time away from the same routine and chores that are never ending… maybe I could take the kids to a movie. I wonder if my friend is available for a kid free meet up next week. But also, maybe I could just let the floors be dirty until summer is over and kids are back in school because I am wasting my energy being so annoyed with how quickly the floor gets dirty.” (Sidenote: if you journal, and feel judgment about your handwriting, shame for how you feel, concerned you might not be “doing it right,” I want you to question those feelings - because that is YOU judging yourself, and if I were you, I’d want to know where that judgment is coming from, and why you are so hard on yourself.)

But how do we actually do all of this, from home…

You choose journaling instead of sleeping in.

You choose to schedule time in your week for taking yourself on a date where you can just be present and take a breather.

You choose to set your alarm and sit down to eat your lunch instead of letting chores and work interfere with your basic needs.

You SIT DOWN and have a beverage and just look around at the sky, instead of scrolling, cleaning, or rushing.

You sit in the car after the grocery store and just bring your breath back to being calm and present. (Tell the kids you're thinking about how great it is that you can just hop in a car and drive to the store to buy things and how very blessed we all are to be on this beautiful earth.)

You go potty when you need to go potty, not hold it in.

You admit to yourself, “I need help.”

You try over and over to NOT keep ghosting yourself.

You go to bed early like you have been wanting to.

You meditate before bed as part of your evening routine.

In short, you make yourself more of a priority in the little moments throughout the day. You actually force yourself to THINK about yourself. It’s not about making everyone else fit inside your bubble… but seeing where you can fit your bubble into the day that is already moving around you.

If you have trouble doing any of this, making more time and space for yourself, I’d like you to send me an email answering this question: What’s stopping you from trying the above suggestions?