Hesitation When Healing
It feels like I should start this “simple” blog with a list of reasons why people might be holding back when it comes to healing… it might read something like this:
Fear of the unknown
Shame or guilt
Anxiety
Discomfort when dealing with pain
Lack of support, clarity, resources, money, or time
I could possibly even dive into the psychological barriers that some people could have when hesitant to heal, like denial and avoidance being protective coping mechanisms used to protect themselves, or low self esteem and self worth.
I could even make a general list of how to overcome hesitation when healing, like:
Build self awareness and self compassion
Seek support and help
Small steps and incremental progress
Create a healing environment
Mindfulness and grounding techniques
Address underlying fears
And then ding ding ding, the blog post would be all done!
But that’s too easy for me… or more accurately, it’s boring. It’s overdone. It doesn’t feel like I’m actually giving you anything vulnerable or generous… I want to give you depth. I want to look at the BEFORE people even get to this point of wanting to heal.
Why are people hesitant to improve themselves? Why do people have the same beliefs they have had for thirty plus years, despite new information and the shift of both the economy and people they know closely? Why are people hesitant to question their beliefs, their upbringing, their lifestyle, themselves? Why do people stay the same - same complaints, same questions…
I’ve noticed two very general categories with these questions:
People really don’t know there’s another way. They just believe their life “is what it is”.
People know there are other options but:
A) Choose not to pursue it,
B) Do pursue it.
For me, I didn’t start personal healing earlier than five years ago because I didn’t know that “healing” was something I needed. I blamed myself for most things, felt stupid often, that it was my fault for how people treated me, and not having more motivation for “what I should be doing”… as a whole, I felt powerless. And yet, I just thought that was life. I didn’t see anything different, I didn’t know there were other options. I thought life struggles were just that, and my life was no exception.
So I can relate when people don’t heal, shift, or change out of simply not knowing there are other options - or that they even need anything different.
However, if you are experiencing unease in your life, wanting to shift, heal, change; wanting something different or knowing there are other options - and you are choosing NOT to pursue finding answers, I beg you to please take a hard look at your emotional state. I was a victim of my own emotional abuse for twenty years… No wonder I felt powerless to pursue anything more than what I knew.
But for the sake of time with this blog post, I’d like to talk to the group of people, who like me at one point, shifted from just accepting “this is life,” to, “there has to be another way.”
Maybe like me, you’ve hit rock bottom - beyond exhaustion, overwhelm, depression. Have no motivation and no knowledge of what comes next for your life, but so badly want there to be another option, because you feel like you are drowning and your life is closing in on you.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to change what hasn't been working?
Just so you are aware, those of us who have gone through the healing journey, do fear the unknown… We also cringe at the shame and guilt, spit on anxiety, hug the discomfort, cackle at the darkness, and find the deep end of pain. We secretly search out how messy it can get, beg for more, and love the kink of it all, because we know literally anything is better than what we had been living. We welcome the “ick”, because it’s better than the numbing we had grown accustomed to… That same numbing that you are now experiencing as you dip your toe into the healing side of finding another way forward.
I know the process of wanting to heal, shift, change is an exhausting process. Trying many different things to help, and yet still cannot move forward… and maybe you are beginning to question your own ability… question if there really is another way than the one you already know.
There’s hesitation…
First, that is completely normal. You are not “doing it wrong” because each person’s way is the path they must take for themselves. But universally, we all have hesitation. Your teeny smidge of hope you have left, and the desire for a change, will get you to where you want to go. I promise you, if you don’t give up on yourself, you WILL make it. Hesitation is a big feeling, that simply means “to pause.” Yep. Pause. While you are navigating such massive shifts in your emotional, mental, and spiritual realms, it makes sense that you will NEED to pause. Like Atreyu in The Neverending Story, you will hesitate with each step you take. It usually never has anything to do with YOU. It’s a feeling, a pause, because you are doing such massive work.
Please keep going.
I’m in this with you.
