Therapy, Counseling, and Coaching - Simplified
In 2004, 27.5 million people had received mental health support. As of last year, that number was 60 million. Although I’m glad people are getting help, I’m also sad so many people need help. I think this massive uptick in people looking for mental health support has made the online world of therapy more trendy. Everyone is doing it, and most of us feel like we need to keep up. It’s similar to the diet and exercise craze, but with mental health now. With so many mental health practitioner options within reach, I think it’s become even more confusing on what’s actually available, and the differences between them all. Let’s talk about it…
For me personally, the whole idea of therapy was not something I ever wanted to pursue. I was raised where that type of help was saved for the actual mentally and criminally insane. The only reason I considered it, was because a friend on social media reached out to me, offering her coaching services pro bono, to gain hours for her credentials. I hesitantly agreed, not sure what I was getting into or how she could help, but figured I didn’t really have anything to lose.
Within the first month, I was completely shook… I had never experienced the potency of someone truly listening and validating how I felt. Beyond everything she was able to personally help me through, the dynamic of our relationship has completely changed how I show up in my other relationships. The whole coaching experience, though simple in nature by talking and journaling, had never been presented to me…. Like, I didn’t even know this type of help was available, or that my life could change so phenomenally.
Naturally, because of my positive experience, I was confused why I had never heard of this being an option before; why weren’t more people talking about it, sharing about it, and advertising for THIS kind of support?! And so I took my research superpowers and started having conversations with people like you and with the therapists, coaches and counselors.
Before I break down the roles of different practitioners, I want you to know some things:
Within all of these roles, you can find both professionally educated and self educated aspects. You have to decide for yourself if that is of importance to you… both offer their own value, in their own way. I have worked with both, and although I gained more with the coach working on her certification, it’s because I knew and trusted her to begin with.
Before you work with someone, I highly suggest knowing a bit about them. Have a conversation with them and ask questions, research them and/or stalk their social media for a while to see how they react to life. The goal is to see how you feel in their presence. Although you may initially be nervous and uncomfortable getting to know someone in this aspect, do they make those feelings worse? Do you feel at ease talking to them and in their presence, do you feel heard, do you feel like you are just listening to their life story and can’t interject your own thoughts, do you feel like they are taking an interest in you and curious about what you need. You know best. Trust that.
Within each of these roles, they will use tools that help you work through what you are there to get help for. You are allowed to ask what they use, just know that most will use a combination. You have to do a little research to decide what you think will help you most. Some common ones are: talk therapy, cognitive behavior (CBT), EMDR, art therapy, journaling, meditation, somatic therapy (using more of the body instead of the mind), visual aids, breathing techniques, and more.
Therapists, counselors, and coaches usually have one specific thing they offer that is their “bread and butter” - meaning it’s their specialty. Like marriage counseling, inner child work, soul alignment, sexual trauma, ect. But also know, there is a lot of crossover. You might go into a session wanting help with food addiction and through the work they do with you, realize that the addiction is rooted in the belief that you are not good enough or worth taking care of. So now, your sessions are about that, which ultimately will lead back to helping your food addiction. Just know, it’s a process. And a good practitioner will know how to carry you through and back again.
Here’s what I have gleaned from the different practitioners, in a more general sense:
Therapists are the ones who like to talk everything through, taking it all back to the origin of childhood. They prefer weekly sessions to keep the work fresh and moving forward, and usually will not have an end date in mind. (i.e. You will have to break up with them before they break up with you.) Therapists are somewhat rigid in their teachings, relying heavily on their education, experiences and science backed facts to facilitate healing. They are usually more of a niche, like sexual trauma or addictions.
Counselors are similar in that they usually like to talk everything through, but differ in that they take what you are going through and ask when the last time it was that you felt that way; starting work from that point in your life. They are more likely to let you know when they think you are capable of moving forward on your own. Counselors are a little more fluid in their methods, using several educational modalities (beyond their own) to facilitate healing. Although counselors still have niche’s, usually focusing more on the spiritual side of healing, they are more open to exploring wherever the conversation may flow.
And then we have coaches. Sort of the groovy, peace loving misfits of our time. They are super flexible in using just about any type of tool it takes to get YOU to where you want to go. They usually like one and done sessions - bring what is prominent for you at the moment, work through it, give you practical tools to help yourself keep moving forward. Coaches usually feel less professional, and more like you are talking to a friend. You will find specific niches like life coaching, business coaching, and “higher self” coaching. You can also find more of a holistic approach with coaches, in that they like to work with the whole person, letting you guide the conversation to where you want it to go.
I’d like to take all of this even further, sharing some research I found that is not spoken about enough. It’s also something I have always believed, but had not been able to articulate and define until recently.
I believe you can heal, grow, and develop into your higher self, without some kind of therapist, coach, or counselor.
I believe that if someone is willing enough to be curious about themselves, ask the hard questions, and face the dark parts of who they are, they can fairly quickly heal in the comfort of their own home. I also believe you don’t have to trace everything back to childhood to heal, and you don’t have to force yourself to remember forgotten parts of your past in order to heal “it.”
All of this work, this process of healing, is meant for YOU, it’s done by YOU, and it’s through YOU that the repairs are made.
I completely understand if you feel like you need a practitioner’s help. I wholeheartedly agree that listening to what you need is by far the most important self support and trust you can give yourself. If you feel like you need to hire someone to guide you, remember, their role as a practitioner is to walk beside you as you navigate your process. They should take their cues from you. You get to lead the conversation, they are simply there to listen and help you navigate the roadblocks and the deeper questioning. Anyone you hire should remind you of your own goodness, worth, and strength, and reflect back to you that this work is for you, by you, and through you.
If you have worked with someone, or plan to, and the process leaves you feeling worse… it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your past demons, to process pain, or to heal parts of yourself. That person you worked with just wasn’t the right fit for you… Like I said earlier, they are there to guide you and walk beside you… usually the mismatch comes from you not receiving what you needed/wanted. So use that, and ask yourself, “What did I need/want, that I didn’t get?” And take those answers to find someone who can. Each attempt will help you clarify your need, ultimately guiding you to “the one.”
You truly are capable of healing yourself. Of holding space for your emotions and feelings. You have the ability to build a bigger capacity to hold ALL of who you are. I hope you take the time to nurture yourself and find those magical parts… you are worth it.
All my love,
Jennifer
